I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
