Ambien. No doubt about it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
