I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize