id be glad to
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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