He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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