Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
