I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
