I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
