Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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