apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
