I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nicole vs. Life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
