I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
