that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So many bounce houses so little time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your cock deserves a montage
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
