remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
