Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize