he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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