All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
