I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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