Can i not drive my cunt home
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
