im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
