you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
