Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
