So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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