My nipple is on Facebook.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize