In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i think my cat just said my name.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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