This is not my ceiling
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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