Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
