I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk is not a location!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
