Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
