Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
