I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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