Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
