I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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