i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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