We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
