I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
