dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
