we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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