well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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