we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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