My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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