if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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