You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
