Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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