I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
