I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
