Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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