...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
