Welp...herpes.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
