I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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