people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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