I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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