At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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