did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
