I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
