we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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