what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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