there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
