The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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