She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
