i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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