Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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