Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
