Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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