your parents love me but you hate me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
