This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
