He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
love makes seman taste better
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
