we made out on top of his cat.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
