So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
