ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
