Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
