I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
